Sorry to hear you are having so much trouble. I swear that several, untrained home baristas have pulled great shots first time out on my Vibiemme, so let's see if there is something amiss.
Please review
http://www.home-barista.com/forum...p-guide-t3113.html
By side channeling, I assume you get a big blond gush out of one side of the basket
- the machine should be on for at least 45 minutes, with PF in the group
- boiler pressure ~1bar, 0.9 to 1.1 is normal
- when you lift the lever with no PF, there should be steam for just few seconds, then plain water
- brew pressure about 10.5 on a shot and should not vary, except a little with the heater element
- coffee should be from 4 to 8 days from the roaster drum
If you flush to rinse the screen, do it just before you pull the shot. This will prevent thermosyphon stall.
The most common problem I see with noobs is an uneven tamp. Use your fingers as a gauge around the tamper and make sure the tamper is level. IMO, the AutoTampers apply WAY too much force. The one time I tried them, the missus asked what all the clacking was about.

A light level tamp is all that is necessary.
Try 15g and level just as Randy said. Adjust the grinder for 60ml in 30 sec.