I recommend a couple evenings perusing the
Getting Started section of the
Resources page. Although it's really a collection of articles rather than a soup-to-nuts guide, it will get you started. Most importantly, articles like Jim's
Home Barista's Guide to Espresso give you the background and vocabulary behind online espresso forum discussions.
As to your specific questions:
- espresso before i steam the milk? Depends on the machine; if it can steam and pull shots at the same time, ideally finish steaming as the last of the espresso drips out. If you have to wait for the machine to reach steam temperature, I prefer brew first because steaming first makes it nearly impossible to reach correct brew temperature with any accuracy.
- a single espresso is too little I agree, and have never bothered with them.
- What is *steamed* milk anyway? Milk heated with steam without injecting air (see Milk Frothing Guide).
It may be helpful to focus on one area at a time (e.g., no milk drinks: managing brew temperature, correct extractions; milk drinks: steaming, different types of drinks, texturing) instead of overwhelming yourself with too much technique advice and information.
Sometimes in ones rush to obtain a preconceived result, one forgets to enjoy oneself. I'm guilty of it from time-to-time... usually around the end of a review cycle.